Listening Hard for God....

I have become a busy person. I used to say that it was a good busy because I was helping to change the world, making a difference, but even that has begun to lose it's joy. As I did my devotion this morning I was reminded of a song that was sang at church a few years ago... I don't remember the name or even the entire song, except that it's premise was about God missing his time with you... Your so busy, doing God's work that you put him on the back burner. I started to wonder if that was who I had become. Surely not I? And two years later, I am happy to say I don't think that is me.

But I have become somewhat cynical, even more so these days. I am coming to a close on my not so detailed 5 year plan. Which means I am ready to move on. I am a classroom teacher, which I knew when I walked across that graduation stage, I had no intentions of being for 30 years. I have prided myself in having some sort of direction to my life plans even if things didn't always go my way. I have another degree under my belt and now I have the classroom experience to make the masters degree work in the realm of educational reform. When I tell you in November, I was in the words of Wanda from Living Color, "Red, to go!" Believe that. Over the last 28 years and 2 months :) I have had a decent relationship with God. Yes, there have been times that he and I have not seen eye to eye, but I have come to the realization that things move according to his plans... but he always plants a seed.

Yesterday, I had one of those let me listen to Gospel music on the way to work and cry my eyes out, before you pity me understand that with tears come clarity for me. I know all of the key scriptures... Ask and ye shall find... Cast your burdens... My yoke is easy... etc. A few weeks ago I got an ego blow in that I didn't get the job that really wanted. Get over it self! Right? Wrong. For a minute I wasn't able to let it go, but I have now. Over the last 5 months, what began as tweaking my resume has become a second unpaid gig. I spend at least one hour a day searching for different career opportunities. In all of my job research I have come to one startling conclusion, which I probably knew was coming... I am going back to school. I am still researching programs but I know what I am passionate about, and I know I am going but I have come to the two forks that Frost describes in "The Road Not Taken" nursing which is completely out of the box...(but a lucrative box nonetheless) or a Ph.D program with some sort of emphasis in Urban Education. As I watch the loan payment increase expotentially with a sigh.

Which brings me to the title of this entry... Listening Hard for God. I am always careful because I can get a head of myself as it pertains to God's vision of a specific situation. I want it... so I am sure that God wants it for me... not always the case. Today, I sit awaiting confirmation on so many different things in my life and I have wondered, if that has ever happened to you? My Mom used to always say...Study to be quiet. That was odd to me growing up... how do you study? But it is in quiet that peace comes and that God's plan for you is revealed. So now... I sit quietly... waiting